Here are some of the messages I've received throughout my life. Sometimes these messages are in words, sometimes they are images or feelings or flashes of insight that I then translate into words so I can tell others about them. Sometimes they are sudden, sometimes it takes months to understand what I'm being told. I just say "God said" to simplify the process. This is much simplier than "After several months of analyzing my feelings and various flashes of half-developed thought-forms, I came to realize that I was being told the following".
Many of the later ones are messages I received during Meeting for Worship.
Age 4
When I was young, I had "dream friends". Sometimes we would play, sometimes they would teach me things. One night I dreamed that these "friends" brought me to a dark place that was empty except for a boy in a bed. I'd never seen him before. A friend said, "He is a friend, too. He's very sick."
"What do I do?" I asked.
"Just be there for him."
The next morning I visited all my "day friends", and they were all fine. This confused me, because my "dream friends" were never wrong. I told Mom that I'd dreamed that a friend was sick, but they were all ok, and she said, "Maybe it hasn't happened yet." Thirty years later (or so) John got cancer. Remembering this dream helped me to get through it.
Age 11
At CCD (Catholic Sunday School), I learned that most people go to church out of habit, but don't truly understand that God loves them. I was thinking about this while taking a shower that night, and I thought, "Somebody should tell them about how God really loves them."
I then heard a loud voice in my head, "You tell them about Me."
I took that as a sign to become a priest. But the calling died. As an introvert I didn't want to speak publicly once a week. I didn't want to live and die alone, so a vow of celibacy sounded horrible.
Now I have a leading to do outreach for Quakers. So I'm finally obeying the command to tell others about God.
Age 19
We were reading one of the letters of John at Bible study. I read "God is love." I saw "is" as the math symbol for "is identically equivalent to", which is much stronger than merely "is equal to". I had an epiphany. Suddenly all of the various rules and sayings in Christianity fell together like a completed jig-saw puzzle, and Christianity made sense. "Turn the other cheek" and "Love your enemies" became obvious, and I wondered how I could have thought them foolish just moments before.
I was an extremely visual thinker at the time, much more so than now. I continued reading "there's no fear in love" and "there's no hate in love". I then made several connections and I literally read:
"There are two kinds of spirits: spirits of Christ and spirits of antichrist. You can tell which kind a spirit is by testing it. A spirit that promotes love is a spirit of Christ. A spirit that promotes hate and fear is a spirit of antichrist."
For 15 years or so I thought this was a quotation from the Bible. But it isn't there. I read this, but it was only in my head. However, it is the rule I use to decide if something is good or not. Note that since homophobia promotes hate and fear, it is a spirit of antichrist, and thus a sin. So I knew God loves gays long before I came out.
Age 22
I knew I needed to go to UC Davis in order to learn an important life lesson. I thought this meant I was going to finally fall in love and start dating. Which was true; I came out at age 25. Not at all what I expected!
Age 34
A few months before John got cancer, I was sitting in silence, listening for if God had something to say.
God said, "I am Life! The River of Life wells up from me and flows throughout the universe, and wherever it flows life abounds upon its banks and within its waters. I am Life! The River of Life wells up from me and flows throughout the whole of creation, throughout the center of each being in creation. In particular, it flows through you. So fear not! For I am with you, for you are mine. I am Life!"
This wasn't much comfort at the time, but I guess it helped later.
Age 39
The first few years after retirement I was "on vacation": from work, from grieving, from anything that even hinted at responsibility. Then I wanted to do something important or useful for society. I had many ideas, some more feasible than others. My family and friends had other ideas. Nothing felt right, so I asked God what I should do. God said, "It doesn't matter what you DO. Just BE loving."
August 2007 (In Meeting for Worship)
I heard a sermon as a teenager. A traveler asks a man on a bench, "Excuse me, sir. I'm thinking of moving to this town. What are the people here like?"
The man on the bench asks, "What are the people like where you come from?"
The traveler replies, "Oh, they are the friendliest people in the world! Generous and kind, always smiling. They'd give you the shirts off their backs!"
The man on the bench says, "I think you'll find the people here are pretty much the same."
And the traveler walks away happy, looking forward to the move.
Later, another traveler asks the man on a bench, "Excuse me, sir. I'm thinking of moving to this town. What are the people here like?"
The man on the bench asks, "What are the people like where you come from?"
The traveler replies, "Oh, they are the worst people in the world! Stingy and selfish, always snarling. I hate them all!"
The man on the bench says, "I think you'll find the people here are pretty much the same."
And the traveler walks away sad, dreading the move.
Heaven and Hell are here, now. Do we choose to see Heaven, or do we choose to see Hell?
Sept. 2007 (In Meeting for Worship)
I do not love my enemy. I fear my enemy. I fear him because of what he has done to me in the past, what he's doing to me now, and what he may do to me in the future. The counter to fear is forgiveness. I must forgive my enemy for what he has done to me in the past, what he is doing to me now, and what he may do to me in the future. Deciding to forgive is the first step toward truly forgiving.
Oct. 2007 (In Meeting for Worship)
I saw each of us as trees: our roots digging into the cold, hard reality of the earth, absorbing nutrients --our branches and leaves reaching heavenward, absorbing energy and life from the Light. A healthy tree needs both. Without being rooted in the earth it will fall over and be useless. Without the Light it will wither and die. The sign of a healthy tree is that it grows strong and then produces fruit, which ripen and fall back to the earth, fertilizing it.
I interpret this as: we are not to be hermits, cut off from the world, and we are not to ignore the Light. We need both the world and the Spirit to be spirtually healthy. A sign we are healthy is that we will do good works, which will improve the world.
Dec. 2007 (In Meeting for Worship)
"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad!"
This is the story of the Laughing Buddha. There was a tyrant who loved giving people pain and hated to see people being joyful. The tyrant captured the Buddha and tied him up on a table in his torture chamber. He then cut off his hands and feet, so that he could not dance or take care of himself. Still the Buddha laughed.
The tyrant asked, "You can't dance or take care of yourself. Why are you still laughing?"
The Buddha replied, "I can still watch the clouds dance with my eyes and listen to the river sing!"
The tyrant cut off the Buddha's ears and poked out his eyes. Still the Buddha laughed.
The tyrant asked, "You can't see or hear anything, why do you still laugh?"
The Buddha replied, "I can still sing!"
The tyrant cut out the Buddha's tongue. Still the Buddha laughed.
The tyrant said, "I have cut off everything I can without actually killing you. If I cut any more, you will die. Why do you still laugh?"
The Buddha replied (psychically, mind to mind), "Because I have nothing else to lose!"
And thus the tyrant became enlightened.
Jan. 2008 (In Meeting for Worship)
"Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, you do to Me."
Who are the least for you? Who do you despise and hold in contempt? Who angers you every time you hear their voice or they just enter the room? Whatever you do to them, you do to God.
Also Jan. 2008
I have a leading to raise the visibility of Quakers, to teach the world about who we are, and to help those looking for us to find us. A part of this leading was to make posters to put in the front windows of our meetinghouse, so that passers-by may read some of what we believe. Hopefully something they read will click with them, and they'll know they've found what they've been looking for.
There were some controversies about the posters. I was taking the criticisms very personally. The project stopped being about helping people to find God by helping them to find Quakers and started being about me. I was feeling and thinking some very un-Quakerly things.
God said, "Stop it! You are not to compete with them. You are to cooperate with them. They are here to help you."
So I "let go, let God." Well, if you crossed your eyes and held your breath for a few minutes you could pretend I did. Ok, I let go as well as I ever do.
Grrr, I hate dealing with humans.
God said, "That's the point. At this stage of your life, your Life Lesson is to learn how to work, live, and interact with other people."
March 2008 (In Meeting for Worship)
Thank you God!
October 2008 (In Meeting for Worship)
You cannot force yourself to sleep. You cannot frustrate or stress yourself to sleep. You must relax yourself to sleep. Likewise, you cannot hate your way to peace. You cannot anger your way to peace. You cannot fear or stress your way to peace. If you want peace, you must hope your way to peace. You must joy your way to peace. You must forgive your way to peace. You must compassion your way to peace. You must love your way to peace.
Nov 4 2008
I am a pessimist. Not by choice, but by nature. I have to actively fight it by thinking a positive thought about someone or something every time I think a negative thought about that person or thing, or saying something positive about someone or something every time I say something negative about that person or thing. If I don't then I get depressed, which strengthens the pessimism, which strengthens the depression...
I woke up sick to my stomach from stress, despairing that Prop 8, the anti-gay-marriage proposition would become a part of the California constitution. I didn't know what to do if it passed. Should I move to Massachusetts? I asked God what I should do, and received the following message:
God gives unlimitted second chances. Every time we stumble, God forgives us and says, "Try again. I know you can do better." He has hope that we will improve and grow spiritually. No matter how many times we fail, God is patient, forgives us, and has hope in us. So God has the virtues of forgiveness, hope, and patience. These are characteristics of an optimist. We are called to be God-like. We are called to have the virtues of forgiveness, hope, and patience. Thus to grow spiritually and be more like God, we are called to become optimists.
Which I am not. But with God all things are possible. So maybe I'll eventually improve. (Which is a statement of hope and patience, so maybe the seed is in there somewhere.)